Tuesday, January 4, 2011

That was her name. An Auntie who serves kopi at the coffeeshop downstairs. My mum and popo go there for breakfast every opportunity we have as long as there is no school/work etc.

She looks to be about 60 years-old and is one of the most cheerful people i've come across. She never complains about her shitty job nor the way customers treat her when she forgets orders (she is old afterall).

Everyone who frequents the kopitiam calls her 'Ah Bu'. I have no idea how this name came about but it stuck. And so, I find it extremely ironic that someone called Ah Bu doesn't have any children. A recent conversation my popo had with her revealed that Ah Bu was not married and did not have any children. When asked if she felt lonely, Ah Bu, laughed it off, saying she had friends and the Singapore Pools to keep her company. And her colleagues at the kopitiam were her 'family'.

Her philosophy certainly works. Just look at the results. She is such a cheerful person. She also shows that the term 'family' can transcend blood ties and extend to your peers. She says she treats the vendors like her children at times. Certainly a strange relationship, but yet it yields results that some 'real' families can't provide. Joy.

I started examining my own relationship with my own 'Ah Bu'. A single-mother at 45 years-old with a 20 year-old son. My mum is one of the strongest people i have ever met. She taught me all the values i have now, good or bad. For better or worse, my character has been modeled after her and i am proud of it. We live alone together with my grandma and Uncle DJ next door. Thus we are a very tightly-knit unit.

The communication between us is very unlike the traditional mother/son talk. We can get along very well one moment and start yelling at each other the next. Such is the volatile nature of the relationship but we have learnt that some mutual compromise was needed between us. We have very strong differences in beliefs like politics but we also have very similar characteristics like tastes in movies and a sense of humor.

What someone might perceive as rude behavior when i talk to my mother is simple everyday communication. We have an unspoken understanding that in order to communicate fluidly some allowances had to be made.

This mutual respect has led to an extremely close and tight relationship. My mum and i have been through thick and thin together. The love i have for her is immeasurable and unconditional. And i know for a fact that she feels the same way.

Everyone has a different approach when communicating with loved ones. I guess i have an added advantage that my mum is relatively young and we can communicate better.

However, i hope anyone reading this can pause and take a moment to understand the sacrifices your mother and other loved ones have made for you. Always think about this before yelling at your next argument with them.